Sleep evaded me....so many questions ran through my head...all of which would remain unanswered as there was little chance of there ever being a one on one with her.....that was made pretty clear to me.
The day's rolled by and there would be two more visits by my birth mum...each one ending with her regulation offering of her cheek farewell. Her demeaner was one of calm acceptance....like everything was normal.....but not for me. My stomach flipped and churned.....how calmly she had forgotten all the cruel words she had messaged previously to this visit....I couldn't forget, I couldn't forgive not without compromising my own self worth. Instead I offered respect.....not that it had been earned but more from the manners I prided myself on.
My visit of 8 days was coming to an end and as much as I loathed to leave my siblings it was time to go home and collect my thoughts.
I have been blessed with 5 amazing siblings who have not only accepted me but shown me more love in 3 short visits than I have ever had in a lifetime......and for that I am eternally grateful. I don't know what the future holds with my birth mum or if there even is a future...only time will tell. I won't close my heart but I will guard it carefully.